I’m Unemployed Because of St. Ignatius
Ellie Singer
Raise your hand if this sounds familiar: I’m 23 and unemployed. Okay, when I put on my networking face I’m “exploring opportunities,” but between you and me? Y’all, I am un-em-ployed.
As you can imagine, I have choices in my life right now. I’m sure you’ve got them too: small ones, big ones, choices that feel like circling around a drain until you make them. What was the last big decision you made? Where was God in it?
I ask because I’ve been yelling at God for the past few months (yes, ‘yelling at God’ is my prayer, leave me alone), looking for answers. I attended a Jesuit university, and if I learned one thing about Saint Ignatius, it’s his call to “find God in all things.” All things, including tough choices. This is a guy who went from the vanity of having his leg re-broken without anesthesia so he could look sexy in tights, to the humility of abandoning his possessions and forming an order of educators. Talk about choices, right?
Here’s my story: I turned down a job because of St. Ignatius, and I’ll tell you why.
At the center of Ignatian discernment are two words: consolation and desolation. You live in consolation when you move toward God, seeking the Christ-like, emboldened by the Spirit. You spiral into desolation when you take the other path. Consoling choices don’t always make you happy, but you experience the confidence of a soul being nurtured; in the same way, desolate choices might feel good in the moment, but can leave you feeling guilty, isolated, and afraid.
“Sure,” I said to St. Iggy in August, reading a job offer from a nonprofit and doubting myself, “but I have to email HR about this today. Feelings are nice, but I want a practical answer. Do I take this job?”
Ignatius came back with this: seek consolation, even if it’s difficult. Especially if it’s difficult.
Praying, I faced the truth. I was on the desolate path. This job opportunity was exactly right – but only on paper. On paper, I was an experienced case manager looking for opportunities in social work. In real life, I served a year in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps, burned out big time, and discovered that my gifts are elsewhere. Yes, this job would satisfy others’ expectations and give me security. But, imagining myself showing up on Monday to spend the next few years case managing, it hit me like a cartoon piano: I’d be walking straight into desolation. I wouldn’t see Christ in my clients or coworkers. I might have a secure paycheck, but I would tumble full-burnout into resentment and bitterness. We don’t love that look for us.
So I said no. Instead, I’m taking this other path, and I have no idea where I’ll end up. I’m ‘looking for opportunities,’ I’m ‘learning about the landscape,’ I’m ‘desperately employable.’ But listen, I am consoled. That’s the real test, in the end: where I am and where I am going, is there consolation?
Instead of simply fulfilling other people’s expectations and accepting the offer, I turned to contemplation. I remembered who and whose I am. So God didn’t give me the gift of case management endurance — who cares? God made someone else for that job. I know, not just because an automated HR email told me the position is filled, but because I have faith. Someone will find consolation there, and I will find consolation where I belong.
Thanks be to Iggy, for keeping me unemployed. He saved me from a path of security and desolation, and sent me on a terrifying jaunt through consolation.
Got any choices to make? If you’d like to learn more about St. Ignatius’ teachings, especially on discernment, here are some links! I think you’ll find him endlessly practical and spiritually challenging.
Articles:
https://www.ignatianspirituality.com/consolation-and-desolation-2/
https://www.marquette.edu/faith/ignatian-principles-for-making-decisions.php
Family-friendly video:
